my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
