stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
