I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
