YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
