Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
