I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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