Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
being pregnant is like rehab
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
