is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
