For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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