Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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