he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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