i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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