Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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