You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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