he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
