He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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