You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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