he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
