and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
