I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
