I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
