xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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