the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
