Umm I'm too high to move.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
