You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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