i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
