I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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