Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
