my room smells like sperm. sweet.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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