Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
