How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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