am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
