you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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