The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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