i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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