she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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