How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
