Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize