I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
