So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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