the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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