Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
