I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
