Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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