Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
