In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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