I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
