i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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