just tell him i said nine months
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize