My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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