dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
