Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We are all done wearing pants today
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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