would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
