Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
