Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
