Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
