Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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