She is in my trunk
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize