I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
