I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
