I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
