dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
