I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
