I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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