matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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