He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
