She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it because I queefed?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
