Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You don't make any sense
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