Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
