He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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