Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
