My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
