Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
