Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
