either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
