I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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