I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
