life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I fill condoms, not promises.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
