May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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