she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
